10 Tips for Women on How to Ask for a Raise Mindfully
1. Change your mindset to HILA – High Intention Low Attachment
This is a philosophy I recommend living your whole life by, but it works so well for asking for a raise, applying for a new job, or going for a promotion! High intention means that you’re approaching whatever it is you’re doing with the highest and best of intentions and low attachment means once you have given it your best shot, you let go of the outcome. You are not attached to the result.
When it comes to asking for a raise, you truly are not in control of the outcome.
You could be the highest performer on your team or in your department with the highest ratings and the best feedback, and you still might get turned down for the raise for a variety of reasons. Maybe the company isn’t investing in your area right now. Maybe your leader doesn’t have the courage to ask their leader for a raise for you. The list could go on. So this is about letting go of the attachment to your value and your worth being based on getting this raise. If you’re too attached to it you’re going to come across as desperate anyway, and that is not how you want to go into a salary-negotiation conversation. You want to go in fully standing in your own power!
2. You don’t NEED this job
Okay, hear me out.
I understand that you might need the job to pay the bills for important things like shelter and food, but what this mindset change is really all about is believing that you are badass enough to take your experience and skills elsewhere if need be. There are other options out there for you if you’re stuck in a place where you don’t feel valued.
You don’t NEED this job.
You either want this job or you don’t want it, and the power is yours to choose. It may take some time to find something else, and that’s okay because when you finally decide you have the power, the process of simply looking at what else is out there can start to energize your life in general and create an excitement that makes the current job feel better while you’re figuring out what’s next for you! When you truly start to believe you don’t NEED this job, it is going to create exactly the type of confident energy you want to have when you go in to ask for your raise.
3. Look for a new job!
Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean you have to want a new job or leave your current role or company. It’s just healthy to get out there and see what’s available in your field/skill set. I recommend even applying for 1 or 2 of them that catch your interest. Not only does it get you practice with your resume and potentially interviewing, but it also shows you how much other companies are paying for what you do. This knowledge could be powerful ammunition when you go in to ask for your raise, and if you don’t get the raise (remember, you’re going to be totally fine because you’re living with HILA) you know where you can go to get paid more!
4. What is a realistic salary raise for you?
It’s helpful to know what the salary range is for your position in your company and where you fall into it, plus it’s helpful to know what salary the industry is paying for your job. The raise you ask for should be a combination of this information plus what feels good to you. What amount would make you feel valued in your role? When you go in to ask for the raise, start higher than the amount you decide on so you have room for your employer to negotiate down, which they’ll likely do.
5. Visualize the salary you want.
Once you know what salary you want to go for, start visualizing it every morning after you wake up and every night before you go to bed. Close your eyes, and picture what it will feel like making that amount of money. Feel the feelings in your body. Write the number down too! Doodle it, journal it, get very comfortable with it. You can also write down affirmations with the number. For example you could write: “I make $X a year and I am worth it! It feels amazing!” All of this is going to help with tip number 6.
6. Believe you are worth the salary you want!
If you don’t actually believe you are worth it that will come across in your energy and confidence and how serious you are when you go in to ask for the raise. Going through the steps in tips 1-5 will really help with this. If you don’t believe you’re worth it ask yourself why. Has someone at work made you feel that way? Or is the opposite, and you have been getting great feedback and great ratings?
Usually we’re the ones getting in our own way and doubting ourselves.
One of the (many) reasons for the wage gap between men and women is that men tend to believe they are worth more due to differences in how they were raised. Whereas women tend to believe our worth lies in going above and beyond and achieving perfection in all areas in our lives all at once. The fact is, you were born with your worth and your value. If you have a good work ethic, you have been receiving good feedback, and you know you’re being paid less than what you’re worth and what your company’s max for your role is, then you are worth it!!
7. Know your career development areas.
What feedback have you received in your last few performance reviews? Could any of it be the reason your leader might say no to giving you a raise? Be ready to address any constructive feedback you have received. You’ll want to be prepared to give examples of how you’ve worked on the feedback and specific instances where you’ve demonstrated improvement. Write these things down before going into the conversation about the raise. If your feedback is that you need to increase your network or start saying no more often (meaning you do all the things for everyone around you), that is a good sign that you’re ready for the raise! That’s the type of feedback given to high performers!
8. Write your value story
Write down why you deserve this raise!
Create a bulleted list of examples where you have gone above and beyond the requirements of your role.
What unique leadership skills do you have that set you apart from your peers (remember that leadership skills apply to everyone, not just those who directly lead people).
What kinds of work fires have you put out?
Did you lead a project that produced great results for your company?
Do you have examples of navigating a tough relationship situation?
Or maybe you’ve built strong relationships that have helped your department.
Are you excellent at customer service?
The more you can write down, the more ammo you’ll have for the meeting where you ask for a raise! Plus once you see the long list of reasons you deserve it, it will increase you energy which will help you to stand in your power during the conversation!
9. Don’t be a victim.
It’s so important not to go into the conversation to ask for a raise with a victim mindset or any kind of victim energy. Do not compare yourself to your peers or say anything at all about things not being fair. This is not the kind of energy that will lead to you getting a raise. This also is the opposite of confidence. It is natural to feel this way when you’re not making what you’re worth, but it is so important to adopt the HILA mindset in order let go of the victim mindset at work. After being a Vice President in the corporate world and leading large teams for years, I can tell you from first hand experience that leaders are SO turned off by the victim mindset. Having someone with a victim mindset on your team is one of the most draining and overwhelming things a leader has to deal with, so that mindset is not going to be conducive to your leading approving your raise.
10. Power poses!
The very last step before heading into the meeting to ask for a raise is to do some power poses! If you don’t know what those are then it’s definitely worth 20 minutes of your time to go watch this Ted Talk. Doing power poses is going to help you walk in with exactly the right energy to stand in your power, and that confident energy is the best way to set yourself up for success.
You’ve totally got this! You are worth it! Just remember, High Intention Low Attachment. Aside from doing all the things I’ve listed here, you cannot control the outcome, but you can control your reaction to the outcome. Don’t give up until you feel you are being paid what you’re worth!